The Bus Stop is a series of true stories about my life, people I've worked with and events I've experienced. Of course the names have been changed. I hope these stories will brighten your day with a few laughs as well as give you encouragement. Hopefully you can avoid making some of the mistakes I've made and if you have already made them, then you can identify with me.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Big 4

What is the Big 4? You have probably heard these are the topics you are never to discuss at work. What are they?


Why are these big no-no’s? Because they know this will do nothing but cause arguments and dissention. For many years I’ve told several people that my wife and I had absolutely nothing in common. I learned recently this wasn’t true. We have very few similarities, very rarely do we like the same things, she’s black and white and I’m gray, and our personalities are completely opposite. So, how did we manage to stay together for almost 30 years and counting? Believe me, we had our problems and were near divorce at one time and it was one of the big 4 that was the cause of the problem.

All of us have a desire to marry our opposite. Why? Because we have a need for them to feel in the gaps. What if you’re not married? This is where you find friends to help you. You may be disorganized and your spouse is very organized. You may be a people person and your spouse sees people as a nuisance. Your spouse may be high strung and you are very laid back. I need my wife’s detail consciousness and her organizing abilities because I have neither one. She needs my calmness and peace for the times she’s stressed. I could go on and on. This is a very brief look into the personality types. I will be doing another seminar May 23rd.

Even though my wife and I weren’t much alike in many of our interest, we were very much in agreement over the Big 4. This is where most marriages split up. It’s usually over politics, religion, money or sex. Many times these values are not even considered in a life long relationship. I have seen over time that many of these problems are usually at the root of divorce. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 This is a principle and warning of danger ahead. Unequally yoked definitely fits in the Big 4.

The goal is unity; to be of one mind and a place of harmony. For the most part I knew that my wife and I had the same values and beliefs on about everything. Therefore it wasn’t a source or contention or conflict. We have had things in the past, but fortunately God helped us work through them. We had to get past the feeling of wanting to be right.

Not long ago I was able to see in clarity the purpose of marriage from God’s point of view. First of all, the only thing our children have in their life to see God is their parents. (Scary huh?) If this perception is screwed up and distorted, then they will have a distorted view of God. It all goes back to the Garden of Eden in Genesis. God does not possess neither the masculine or feminine aspects of man and woman, but both of them. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 When a man and woman are joined together in marriage it is supposed to be a picture of the completeness of God. Not a picture of one lording over the other, but as I heard once, the picture of a dance. Like the fellowship and union He has with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. They are of one mind. When a couple is dancing in harmony with one another, you cannot tell who is leading.

My wife and I have had to learn to work with our strengths and not fight with our weaknesses, which is what we did for a big part of our marriage. I’ve learned that I not only need her, but I want her to complete me. I continue to choose her daily over my desires and others. I also have to choose God daily to continue our relationship moving forward.

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